


Doo Wop

by CongressIsAliens



Series: The World Is Shit, Let’s Write Fic [14]
Category: Phineas and Ferb
Genre: 50's night, Doo Wop Hop, Established Relationship, Family Fluff, First Dates, First Kiss, Fluff, Human Perry the Platypus (Phineas and Ferb), Monty/Carl for the discord peeps, Multi, My Sweet Ride AU, Oh who am I kidding I ship it too, Vanessa is dating Stacy bc why not, ish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-27
Updated: 2020-06-27
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:42:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24917770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CongressIsAliens/pseuds/CongressIsAliens
Summary: It's the night of Danville's annual Doo Wop Hop, and what a night it's going to be.
Relationships: Candace Flynn/Jeremy Johnson, Carl Karl/Monty Monogram, Heinz Doofenshmirtz/Perry the Platypus, Vanessa Doofenshmirtz/Stacy Hirano
Series: The World Is Shit, Let’s Write Fic [14]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1668385
Comments: 23
Kudos: 153





	Doo Wop

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this fic in about a day and a half so there might be weird errors :P

Perry runs his comb through his hair one last time. He doesn't usually put this much effort into his hair, but hey. It's Danville's annual 50's night, he might as well look like he stepped right off the set of Grease.

He walks out of the bathroom and down the stairs, where Candace is sitting on the couch and texting someone. 

_Is Jeremy on his_ _way?_

"Yeah, he'll be here soon." She looks back down at her phone for a second, then back up. "Do you want to take the Nymph out tonight?"

_Nah, it's your car. I'll take my bike._

Candace laughs. "You've certainly got the look for it."

Perry looks down at his leather jacket and grins. _I do, don't I._

"You look like Ferb did last year, actually."

Perry remembers that, even though he had barely gotten to see everybody before he had to rush off to work and thwart Doofenshmirtz. 

_Where are the boys, anyway?_

"Oh, they left with Mom and Dad a couple of minutes ago. They're helping the Fireside Girls get their carhop badges." Perry nods and moves to the kitchen. It looks like Linda made tuna casserole. Most of it has been eaten already, but there's plenty enough left. 

"You still haven't eaten?" Candace asks. Perry checks his watch. It's only seven, that's a plenty reasonable time to eat dinner. Although he supposes everyone else must have eaten before they left. He shakes his head and spoons some into a bowl. 

A horn honks from outside. "That must be Jeremy," Candace squeals. "See you later, Perry." 

_See you later_ , Perry signs. Candace darts out the front door, leaving Perry alone in the house. 

Unfortunately, he barely has enough time to take a bite before his watch beeps. He sighs, picks up his bowl, and steps into one of the secret entrances around the kitchen.

The screen in his lair flicks on as he slides into his seat. Perry's mildly surprised when Monty Monogram shows up on-screen instead of the Major, until he remembers that the Major is on vacation until the fifteenth.

"Good evening, Agent P." Perry nods in acknowledgement. "Ooh, sorry, did I interrupt dinner?"

Perry shrugs. _Not really,_ he signs with his free hand before picking his fork back up. 

"Well, anyway, Doofenshmirtz is going to the Doo Wop Hop tonight. He doesn't have an inator, as far as we know, but it's your job to keep him from doing evil." 

Perry sets down his fork and salutes, then goes back to eating, assuming the screen will shut off on its own.

It doesn't. Instead, Carl Karl, the intern, walks onscreen and rests his chin on Monty's shoulder. "Almost done, babe?" he asks. Monty Monogram turns and kisses Carl on the cheek. "Just need to brief Agent B."

Perry clears his throat, reminding the couple (when did that happen? Eh, he doesn't particularly care) that he's still there. 

The pair jolts apart as if they've been stung. "Oh, geez, Agent P, I didn't mean for you to see that," Monty says. Perry shrugs. It's okay. "You won't tell my dad, will you?"

Perry shakes his head. It's not his place to out anybody.

"Thanks, Agent P," Carl says, and the broadcast shuts off.

* * *

Vanessa can hear the singing from down the hallway long before she can see the source. 

A knock sounds on the door. "Come in," she calls. "Is that the song from the Lorax?" she asks once her dad enters. 

"Whaaat, it's catchy," her dad defends. "How ba-a-a-ad can I be?" he sings, playing along on an air guitar.

"Okay, whatever," Vanessa says, mostly to get him to stop singing. She loves her dad, she really does, but hearing him sing is not her idea of a great time. Carefully, she applies some tasteful purple lipstick. 

"So are you going to the Hop with your mysterious boyfriend again?" her dad asks, leaning against her door frame in an attempt to be cool. 

Internally, Vanessa winces. She still hasn't told him that she's bi, and also taking a girl to the dance. "Uh, sort of."

"Sort of?" he asks. "And what does sort of mean?"

"It just means sort of. Speaking of boyfriends, are you ever going to ask Perry out?"

Her dad sputters. "That's none of your business!" he exclaims. 

Vanessa smirks. "Exactly." She checks the clock on the wall and picks up her clutch purse. "I have to get going. I can take Norm, right?"

"Just make sure he doesn't start flirting with other giant robots." He shudders. "Especially Rodney's assistant."

She nods, although she has no idea what Rodney's assistant looks like. Either way, she merely brushes past him to leave her room and retrieve Norm. She needs to go pick up her date.

* * *

As Perry wheels his motorcycle out of the garage, Stacy comes running up the driveway. "Hey, Perry, can I ask you something?" she pants. 

_Yeah, what's up?_

"So, um, I'm going to the Hop with my new girlfriend and I wanted to know if you had any advice?"

Perry smiles. _I don't know if I'm the best person to ask for romantic advice, especially with women._ He's never been very successful in the whole romance department (case in point: his crush on Doofenshmirtz that he _still_ hasn't admitted), and he's gayer than a rainbow.

"Yeah, but you must have had at least _a_ relationship in your life, right?" Perry nods. "Then you must have some sort of advice." 

Perry racks his brain for something that might help. J _ust be yourself and have fun_ , he signs.

"No offense, but that is, like, the worst advice ever," Stacy says. (Perry has to agree. It's horribly cliche.)

_How about this? Don't lie, 'cause you always get caught._

"Yeah, that's better, if a bit...secret agent-y."

_That's what I do, did you really expect anything different?_

Stacy shrugs. "Not really." Her phone goes off. "She's on her way," she squeals. "I gotta go. See you later, Perry."

 _See you later_. Perry puts his helmet on and peels away from the house, towards Doofenshmirtz Evil, Incorporated.

* * *

Carl stands in front of the mirror in the recording room of OWCA headquarters. He tugs on the sleeve of his brown jacket, smiling as a pair of arms wind their way around his shoulders. 

Monty presses a kiss to the side of his head, and he leans backwards into his boyfriend's chest. 

"All ready to go, darling?"

Carl smiles and runs a hand through his hair. "Yes, yes I am." He pauses. "I'm sorry about earlier, I should have checked to see if the broadcast was off before I came up to you."

Monty turns Carl so they're facing each other. "Don't worry. Accidents happen. Besides, if it could have happened in front of anyone, I'm glad it was Agent P."

"Oh?" Carl asks. 

"Everybody knows he's got a thing for his nemesis, he knows to keep things under wraps."

"Yeah, you're right. Shall we get going?"

"One last thing." Monty presses a lingering kiss to Carl's lips, leaving him breathless. They've been dating for six months, but things like this still manage to make Carl's heart flutter in the best way possible. 

"There," Monty says, smiling at the way Carl's cheeks turn red under his freckles. "Now we can go."

* * *

Vanessa's always surprised at how well Norm handles. For a giant robot man, he turns surprisingly well. (He also gets incredible gas mileage, but that might just be because he doesn't actually use any gas.)

As she drives down Maple Drive, she does wish that Norm would turn into a cooler car. All he ever wants to be is a pickup truck. And he always wants to stick his head out the hood. 

Still, it's better than no car. It's not like she's entering the show. And she doesn't even have to park- he can just transform himself back into a robot.

She scans the house numbers on the sides of the road. There it is, Stacy's house. And there's the girl herself, leaning against her garage door and absolutely rocking a poodle skirt and hair bow. 

She pulls over and rolls down the window. "Hop in," she calls out. Stacy jogs around the front of the car, eyeing Norm's head, and gets in the passenger seat. 

"So what's with the...head sticking out of the hood?" she asks by way of greeting. 

"Oh, that's Norm," Vanessa says. "He's usually a robot, but he can turn into a truck. Which means we don't need to find a parking place, as long as we keep him from flirting with other robots."

Stacy giggles as she buckles her seat belt. "Flirting with other robots?"

"Apparently he's done that before? It's kind of a long story," Vanessa says as she puts Norm in drive. 

"Well, we've got a bit of a drive ahead of us, so tell away," Stacy says. 

Vanessa grins. "So my dad is a self-proclaimed evil scientist..."

* * *

Perry expertly drives his motorcycle into the parking level of the Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated building, parking in a visitor space near the front. He collapses his helmet into a small disk, then pulls his hat out or his pocket and puts the disk inside. Walking through the level, he finds Doofenshmirtz under the hood of a lovely sky-blue 1957 Cadillac. 

Heinz swears at something, so Perry clears his throat to get his attention. He looks up, a smear of grease down the front of his lab coat. "Oh, hey there Perry the Platypus," he says, wiping his forehead with the sleeve of his lab coat and closing the hood. "No scheme today. I decided to have a go at the car show the proper way."

Perry raises an eyebrow. _Sure about that, doc?_

"Yeah, I'm sure. It's no fun if you cheat."

He actually sounds sincere, so Perry pulls his hat off and sticks it in his back pocket. 

Heinz takes a proper look at Perry. "You know, uh, you look good in leather." Perry can feel his face heating up at the compliment, and he smiles. _Thanks._ He considers something. _If you're entering the car show, don't you think you should get going?_

"Yeah, I should. Hey, do you want to come with me?"

_Sure, that sounds fun. Although maybe you should get changed first._

Heinz looks down at himself. "Yeah, I should, shouldn't I. I'll, uh, be right back?"

Perry smiles. _Go ahead_. Once Doofenshmirtz has gone, Perry takes off his jacket and pops the hood. Just to check. 

Surprisingly, it looks like he was telling the truth. No -inators, no modifications beyond the norm. In fact, the workings look to be in perfect shape. He closes the hood and puts his jacket back on. 

Doofenshmirtz eventually walks back over to the car, this time in a white button-down, checked pants, suspenders, and a crooked red bow tie. Before he can stop himself, Perry moves forwards and fixes Heinz's tie.

"Thanks," he says once Perry steps back. He considers something. "Hey, um, this is a bit weird, but do you want to drive? I haven't driven since the driving test in Drusselstein, and we both know how badly that went."

Perry shrugs. _I'm cool with that_ _._ Heinz tosses him the keys, and he buckles himself into the driver's seat. Heinz moves around to the passenger seat. 

Once they're on the road, Heinz starts to monologue. Something about how when he met his uncle Simpkin in space, he got inspired to just restore a classic car. 

Perry finds himself smiling at Heinz's enthusiasm. As they cruise down Park avenue, he stretches his arm out and puts it across the back of the bench seat behind Heinz's back. For a few seconds, Heinz doesn't say anything, but he quickly goes back to talking, a broad smile on his face.

Yeah, Perry could get used to this. 

* * *

The band on the stage launches into another energetic number, the upright bass complimenting the piano and guitars. Monty offers Carl his hand, and the two join the dance floor. 

They've been practicing dancing together, spending nights twirling around a courtyard outside Carl's dorm, so tonight they move across the ground with ease. 

On one particularly energetic twirl, Carl accidentally bumps into a girl in a poodle skirt. He pauses to apologize, thinking nothing of it until he notices that the girl is with Vanessa Doofenshmirtz. 

"Oh, hey there, Carl," Vanessa says over the music. 

"Hey there Vanessa," Carl says. "Your date?" he asks, gesturing towards the girl in the poodle skirt. 

"Yeah," Vanessa nods. "Stacy, this is Carl. Carl, this is Stacy." Stacy waves, and Carl returns the sentiment. 

Monty comes up behind Carl. "Hi Vanessa," he says, and Carl can hear the awkwardness in his voice. A bit belatedly, Carl remembers that Monty and Vanessa dated for a short while last summer. 

"You two having fun?" Vanessa asks. 

"Yeah, you?" Carl asks. 

Vanessa nods, as does Carl. The four stand there, staring at each other in silence for a few moments. 

"We're gonna, uh," Carl makes a vague hand motion, "go now?"

"Yeah," Stacy says, "see you later?"

"Yeah," Monty says, and Vanessa says the same a few seconds later. 

Carl and Monty turn and walk a little ways away. "That was awkward," Carl says, and Monty hums in agreement. 

* * *

Perry takes a deep breath. They've been at the Doo Wop Hop for about an hour now, taking in the sights and talking. With the slowly fading daylight, Perry figures it's time to come clean about his feelings. He waits until Heinz finishes his mini-rant about ice-cream truck music, then lifts his hands to sign. 

Before he can get a single sign out, however, the speakers sprinkled about the area crackle to life. "Attention, please! The judging for the third annual Doo Wop Hop car show has concluded. Please proceed to the stage by the dance floor for the awards."

 _Shall we?_ Perry signs, and Heinz nods. They make their way to the stage, where the judges and the announcer are standing. 

The announcer quickly moves through the categories- best engine, best paint job, most unique, mayor's favorite. Finally, he gets to the big prize. 

"And now, the one you've all been waiting for. Winning Best in Show is," the announcer pauses to open an envelope, "number one-fifty-seven, Heinz Doofenshmirtz!"

Heinz gasps next to Perry. "I won," he breathes. "I actually won!"

 _Of course you did,_ Perry signs, then gives him a good-natured shove. _Go get your trophy_. 

As Heinz makes his way up to the stage, Perry can't help but grin. He deserves to have _something_ go right. 

A few minutes later, they walk out to the show-car lot, Heinz carrying his trophy and gushing excitedly about how utterly _happy_ he is. The sight is rare enough, so Perry lets him monologue. 

"I mean," Heinz says as he places the trophy in the trunk, "I really didn't expect that, did you?" Perry shakes his head. 

_I knew you could do it,_ Perry signs, leaning against the side of the car. 

"Aw, thank you, Perry the Platypus." He pauses as he locks the trunk. "So what were you going to say earlier?"

Perry raises an eyebrow. _Earlier?_

"Before the awards? You had your hands up like you were about to sign."

Oh yeah. That. _Well, I was going to say, uh..._ He pauses, his hands hovering in mid-air. 

"Did you forget?" Heinz teases. 

_No, it's just hard to put into words._

"Oh yeah, I totally get that. Take your time."

Perry smiles softly. Looking down at his sneakers, he quickly signs _I love you_. Briefly, he snaps his eyes up to watch Heinz's face, scanning for his reaction. Mentally, he braces himself for the inevitable let-down. 

What he doesn't expect is for Heinz to step forwards and lift his chin with one hand and press a gentle kiss to his lips. Which means that's exactly what happens.

For a short moment, Perry forgets how to breathe. 

When they part, Heinz gently presses his forehead to Perry's. "I love you too," he whispers. Perry's heart skips a beat. He leans up and kisses Heinz again, somewhat less gently. 

Heinz makes a small noise, winding his arms around Perry's shoulders. Perry hums as Heinz deepens the kiss, sliding his hands around Heinz's bony hips. It's all Perry can do to keep the kiss chaste, a tiny part of his barely-functioning brain remembering that they're still in public. 

Eventually they pull apart, Perry's face flushed the same shade as Heinz's bow tie. _Would you like to dance?_ he asks. 

"I'd love to," Heinz says, and presses another quick kiss to Perry's lips. "Shall we?"

* * *

At this point, Stacy's pretty sure the band on the stage is just playing Elvis's greatest hits _._

Case in point: This is the third time they've played Hound Dog tonight. 

Oh well, she's having a ton of fun with her girlfriend. Vanessa is cool _and_ cute, and she totally gets having weird friends. 

And they've only had one really awkward moment so far tonight, when they ran into Vanessa's ex-boyfriend. 

They're walking around the edge of the dance floor, trying to avoid the spilled drinks, when Candace and Jeremy come up to them. 

"Hey Stace and, uh, Vanessa," Candace says, Jeremy with an arm around her shoulders. "Didn't expect to see you two together."

Stacy's gaze briefly flicks down to where she's holding Vanessa's hand, and she shrugs. "Well, we are."

Candace smiles. "That's cool. I like your hat, Vanessa."

"Thanks," Vanessa says. "I found it at the thrift store over by the blueprint store, actually."

"Cool," Jeremy says, and Stacy echoes the sentiment. 

"Have you guys tried the milkshakes yet?" Candace asks, and Stacy shakes her head. "They're amazing. I recommend the chocolate." 

"Well," Vanessa says, "maybe we should. See you guys around."

"See you around," Jeremy says.

* * *

At one point in the night, Carl's wristwatch goes off. 

Technically, he's supposed to be on-call for any emergencies that arise at headquarters, so he has no choice but to accept the incoming transmission. 

Monty doesn't mind, he just merely offers to go get milkshakes as Carl takes the call. 

Carl twists the dial on the side of his watch. However, instead of an agent at headquarters, Major Monogram pops up on the tiny screen. 

"Hello, Carl," the Major says. "Just checking in. Report?"

Carl racks his mind for what they did earlier today. "Sent Agents S, Q, and C on their missions this morning, Agents V and I out this afternoon, and Agents P and B are out right now. No unexpected villainous activity, although Doofenshmirtz did win the Doo Wop Hop's car show tonight."

The Major narrows his eyes. "Doofenshmirtz won the car show?"

"He had a beautiful Cadillac, sir. Agent P assures me there was no -inator or other foul play involved."

"That's good, at least," the Major says. "Still..."

"Here you are, hun," Monty says as he hands Carl a chocolate milkshake, pressing a kiss to Carl's temple. Carl freezes as he watches Major Monogram's mouth fall open.

"Great googly moogly!" the Major exclaims. 

"Oh." Monty laughs nervously as he sees who exactly is on Carl's watch. "Hi, Dad."

For what seems like an eternity, yet can't be more than a couple of seconds, none of them say anything.

Major Monogram coughs. "Are you two..." he trails off. 

Carl hesitates slightly before nodding, his stomach twisting itself into knots.

"Carl?" Major Monogram asks.

"Ye-yes sir?" Carl manages to squeak out.

"Treat my son alright, you hear?" The Major accompanies this statement with a glare. 

"Yes, sir," Carl gulps, his eyes wide. 

Major Monogram looks away, then back at the pair. "Mrs. Monogram is calling. Enjoy your night, you two." Carl's watch screen blinks off. 

"You know," Monty says, "besides than the strange shovel talk, that actually went pretty well."

* * *

Vanessa's feet are aching by the time ten-thirty rolls around. She and Stacy have been dancing together for the last hour or so, and it's certainly taken its toll on her body. She'll be sore in the morning, but it'll be completely worth it. 

Either way, it's getting to be the point where the night is winding down, so they decide to go track Norm down. 

Stacy squeezes her hand and points at someone. "Hey, 'Nessa, isn't that your dad?"

Vanessa looks over to where she's pointing. Yes, that's her dad, with Perry. And just as if he could tell they were thinking about him, he turns around and waves.

"Oh jeez," Vanessa says. 

"Is something wrong?" Stacy asks, concern in her voice. 

"I'm still not out to him," Vanessa says. "He thinks I'm here with a boyfriend."

"Do you need me to leave?" Stacy asks.

"Nah, he'll be okay. I'm like ninety-seven percent sure he's bi" 

Her dad walks over with Perry. "Hey there, sweetie," he says. "Is this one of your friends? Where's your boyfriend?"

Vanessa looks down at the ground. "Dad, this is my _girl_ friend Stacy." She looks up, carefully gauging his reaction. 

"Oh, sorry about that. It's nice to meet you, Stacy," he says, offering his hand to shake. Stacy does, briefly letting go of Vanessa's hand to do so.

"So that's what _sort of_ meant," he muses. "We can talk about this later, okay?" 

Vanessa shrugs. "Sounds good. Speaking of _sort of_ 's, when did this happen?" Vanessa asks, gesturing towards where her dad has an arm around Perry's back. 

"That's not important," her dad says at the same time as Perry signs _A couple hours_ _ago_. Her dad gains an affronted look on his face. "Perry the _Snitch_!" he gasps. 

Vanessa giggles. "Stacy and I were just about to find Norm and go, so see you at home?"

"I think he was over by the stage? I don't know. He can't be that hard to find, he's ten feet tall. See you at home, sweetie pumpkin."

Vanessa only cringes a bit at her dad's nickname for her before they walk away. 

"Well, that wasn't the most awkward encounter we've had tonight," Stacy says, and Vanessa has to agree.

* * *

Perry walks into the house, unable to quell the broad grin on his face. Lawrence and Linda are sitting on the sofa, and they look up when they hear him. "Did you have a good time tonight, Perry?" Lawrence asks. 

_Yes, yes I did_ , he signs.

**Author's Note:**

> Based off [the drawing](https://humanperryfic.tumblr.com/post/621658503435730944/i-got-inspired-by-my-sweet-ride-d) I did last week. 
> 
> Comments are always appreciated!


End file.
